When I was a kid, I always believe in fairy tales, because they usually ended up with happy endings. To be frank, I do like happy endings because things usually go 'happily ever after'. I tend to believe in tooth fairy, pixies' dust, angels, etc etc etc.....I used to look outside my window and hoping that an angel will pass by and she will definitely gonna cheer me up when I'm in bad mood !! (was so naive .....)
As time passed by, I realize that tooth fairy, pixies and all, were just a fairy tale. When we wished for something, it doesn't comes true by it's own, we've gotta make it real for sure. Even when you like someone, she will not come after you automatically !! And Hello !! We are living in a reality world, human and the society out there are so cruel, so money-minded !!
2010 might not be a good year for me, at least for now. No matter what I'm doing, things just ain't going smoothly as I've wished for, and this is so damn frustrating + disappointing. Although there are still joy and laughter when I get along with all my friends out there, nonetheless, I've seriously no idea what's wrong with me this entire year (January). I'm starting to realize that I can no longer control my feelings. What happened is that, last year, I broke up with her. Initially, it's like a big release for me but later, I had confused my feelings with the truth, and i tend to do things according to my mood. I've tried not to do so but I've failed. But eventually, we are still friends as before (I suppose).
So, what happened after that was, or should I say, happening now is that, I think I'm falling for someone, a very special someone. Why would I say she is special? Because, I've TOTALLY NO IDEA why I'm falling for her !! Initially, I thought I was just confusing my own feelings with her, but after discussing with someone else, and some 'evil' provocation by a bunch of friends, I realize that I'm not confusing my feelings, but IT is the truth that I'm falling for her. No one knows about this except another girl, who i trusted her a lot and I bet she won't tell out the truth. I realize that I will start to miss her, paying attention on her, and when she talks to me, I will mute the all the sound around me just to get focus with her !! Oh...jeez !!
Somehow, like what I've mention, we ain't living in a fairy tale world, the girl you like will not eventually get together with you and living happily ever after. You gotta take actions and go for her. What happen later is, I realize (from somewhere) that this girl, is falling for another guy, (I bet this is the most complicated stuff in this planet), so I'm telling myself, ''Hey, why don't you just get the hell out of these kind of stuff and focus on your studies !! You see, she's falling for him, no point for you to confess with her and why not just leave her alone? Maybe the guy is treating her so damn good that's why after so many years, she's still with him !! So, why not just leave her alone and hoping the best for both of them?'' So you see, when this kind of feelings started off, I can't really control myself for not thinking of her. The more I'm asking myself not to think, the more she will appear in my empty mind, as if there is a space left blank specially to put her in, and apparently I'm thinking of her by then.
Just back from a football match and happy that the team I'm supporting had won the game with 2-0 !! Way to go...Chelsea !! After taking bath, I'll switch on my computer as usual and unusually, I'll drop-by her place and have a look..yea..I know I'm lame !! So, another disappointment appeared, and it will be the third time as I know, where I saw she mentioning him again again and again.
I guess I'll will just be a passer by for her forever and she won't even know the existence of me in her place. She won't know what's the feeling when you like someone but she like someone else. But anyway, I'm used to this kind of things, so...I'm cool...it's ok...
----------- To Be Continued -----------
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